Who The Hell Am I To Think I Can Do This Thing?
It doesn't seem to matter how many businesses I have started, owned, bought or operated, whenever I do something outside of my comfort zone the barrage of self-limiting thoughts come in full force.
"Oh, it's you again fear. Hello. What stack of lies are we in for today?"
Something happens inside of us with every new opportunity for growth. Whenever we think we're ready to stretch outside of our comfort zone to create something new or dust off an old abandoned dream we have to go through the process of dealing with whatever junk inevitably comes up.
Here is what came up for me when I was embarking on opening WingSpace:
• "My husband will never be in support of this; it's too big a project, it's too risky. He wasn't in support of my last business idea, so why would he support this one? We had some pretty major fights over it."
• My husband has expressed worry that if I become successful at my own business I will leave him (because he believes on some level that's what happened in his previous marriage.) "Ok, fine, I should just play small again to show him that I have no intention of leaving him."
• "I have no idea what I'm doing. I get to a certain point and abandon ship whenever I come up against something I find to be too hard or not in my realm of expertise, and I can't afford to pay someone else to do it for me yet. I should just stick with what I already know how to do.
• "Who the hell am I to think I can do this? I'm a nobody. Therefore, nobody will trust me, nobody will believe in me. I will never be able to find people who will want to become members of WingSpace."
• No landlord will ever work with me when they find out I'm bootstrapping this business.
Wow! It's amazing what happens with our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors. And to be honest these were no small things for me.
So how did I calm the fears?
When it comes to transition, big projects, and taking the big leap there is this innate need and desire to feel supported. Without support, a mentor, or someone to guide us through the unknown our thoughts, feelings and behaviors end up taking control and the risk of packing away your dreams increases three fold.
First things first, I knew that my ‘why’ needed to be bigger than my fear. I had to get really clear about my ‘why’ so it could give me the courage I needed to trudge through the muck. I took the time to get into the nitty gritty of my why and then I put it to the test.
I used to believe that I could muscle through things on my own, but now I realize that there was simply a lot of insecurity dictating my behaviors. So I focused on opening myself up to support and changing some of the behaviors that were wreaking havoc on my joy.
I stopped trying to pretend that everything was fine. It wasn’t fine. My husband was projecting his fears onto me and I was placating. I had to talk to him about it so that we could work out those fears.
Next up, I made a conscious effort to stop isolating myself from other people, because I could go long periods of time without seeing, speaking to, or meeting with others. That kind of isolation was like a playground for negativity and it wasn’t helping me toward achieving my dream.
When I challenged the “Who the Hell am I, I’m a nobody” lie, I decided I would need to take some action to build my confidence. But how? Ah, I’ll go talk to someone smarter than me and see what they think of my idea. I headed over the Embry Riddle Aeronotical University to meet with the head of the Business Department’s Eagle Consulting Program, Professor Gibson. He agreed to assign a team of students to help me develop my business model canvas and survey potential ideal clients to get me the data I needed to feel confident moving forward.
When I began to pull myself out of isolation and share my ideas with other like-minded people in the community I was pleased to discover how many were not only excited about the idea, but they also wanted to help me in the planning and marketing process.
Every time I would start worrying and future tripping over the risk I would be taking, as well as whether or not I would be able to find a landlord willing to work with a startup business that is bootstrapping — I would check in with my higher power. “Do I need to worry about this?” The answer would always come back, “Have trust that whatever happens in the future, you will be okay.” “Work on your plan, move forward diligently building community, and watch what happens.” I would dare to question God, “Really?!” Just like that? Trust you?
This whole ‘trust’ thing is something I have to practice A LOT! Even though excessive worrying does not change anything, my human nature still likes to believe that worrying somehow helps. But I’m discovering that the more I learn to trust, the less anxiety I experience, and I’m less likely to abandon my dreams before they’re have a chance to come to fruition.
And I must say that my ‘why’ came in handy throughout this whole process. It kept me moving forward. It gave me clarity with my message and held my hand through some tears and sleepless nights.
I Would Like to Support You on Your Mission
If you would like this kind of support as you embark upon your next big mission I invite you to check out the upcoming She Camps Urban Campfire Workshop. This workshop is designed to help women identify the things that are blocking them, so they can open the pathway to move forward. It is only open to 24 participants and right now we are offering an early bird discount through November 5, 2018. Click the link below to learn more.